


baby dont fear the reaper

by Zara_Zara



Series: Lawlight Week 2020 [7]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Death, M/M, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:42:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23919229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zara_Zara/pseuds/Zara_Zara
Summary: "For the briefest of moments, the rain suddenly softens on the cool glass window and bright, clean light shimmers into the classroom; a man suddenly appears on the pavement down below. Their eyes meet and Light knows it’s the beginning of the end.That’s no man; that’s a reaper."
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Series: Lawlight Week 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1715836
Comments: 8
Kudos: 46





	baby dont fear the reaper

**Author's Note:**

> aaahhh NOOO Lawlight week is over!!! I was having so much fun writing these! Oh, well, I guess I'll be returning to my WIPs, but I'll really be looking forward to another event like this!
> 
> Prompt Day #7 - Death / Resurrection. Title based of the Blue Oyster Cult's song "(Don't Fear) The Reaper." Gotta love that cowbell y'all.

**Day 1**

Spring showers cascade against the windows of a relatively quiet classroom where a bored, young man sits. Light Yagami’s teacher’s voice drones on and on, rising and falling in a flat tone explaining a concept that the student genius studied weeks ago. With his ever-present perfect posture, Light’s fist presses against his chin as he stares outside the window at the weather that doesn’t seem to want to decide if it wants to be sunny or wet. 

Light Yagami doesn’t daydream---he plans. He intently focuses on the droplets of water as they splash against the window and he runs over his plans for his future over, and over again like it’s a rubix cube constantly shifting and clicking into perfection. He always starts with the most immediate things: after class he must review next week’s chapter on mathematics, he needs to finish reading that college textbook on law, he needs to go help with tutoring after class on Friday which means that he’ll be returning home late, but that’s ok because he needs to have an extracurricular activity for his college applications. He already turned in his college applications and it’s only a matter of waiting but he needs to keep up his image as the perfect student so that he’ll blow everyone out of the water once he gets accepted to To-Oh. He _will_ get accepted to To-Oh because he studied what previous graduates of that school had accomplished in order to get accepted and he, Light Yagami, went above and beyond. He always goes above and beyond and he will carry this mentality with him when he works for the NPA and solves cases and saves lives. People will be saved because he’s a meteor rocketing towards the better future that he knows is out there for everyone. It’s all a matter of time...And patience. 

For the briefest of moments, the rain suddenly softens on the cool glass window and bright, clean light shimmers into the classroom; a man suddenly appears on the pavement down below. Their eyes meet and Light knows it’s the beginning of the end. 

That’s no man; that’s a reaper. 

***

Light goes through the motions of the day. Everything feels and looks as fragile as paper. Each time he looks out the window; it’s there. He can’t see it inside the corridors of his school because it’s too early for it to collect yet, but it will draw closer when Light’s time draws nearer. 

He can hardly believe himself---he's acting as if everything is all normal and nothing has changed. As if his heart hasn’t been seizing in pain and then falling to the ground each time he thinks about his impending death. He could be dying tomorrow, a week from now, even next Tuesday. What an ordinary day to die. Tuesday. It’s not quite the beginning of the week, nor is it the end. It’s just Tuesday. Light doesn't actually prefer any day to die because he doesn't want to die _at all_. But if it _has_ to happen, he supposes a regular old Tuesday wouldn't be bad because maybe nothing catastrophically terrible can happen on a day as ordinary as that. Light doesn't want his death to be painful and he wonders how it’s going to happen. He never pictured himself dying so young. It’s hard to come up with any plausible situations because none of his plans accounted for this.

Some part of him always assumed he’d live to an old age with a family that he made, lived with, and loved. Like one of those old men in the movies surrounded in clean bright light with their whole family surrounding them as they breathed their last words of wisdom---Light wanted to be that. He wanted to be respected and loved and to know that he had _earned_ it with a life filled with hard and honest work. 

Some part of Light reasoned that the life of a police officer or a detective is a hard one. That there was always a possibility he could die on the field due to some stray bullet or some unfortunate accident. But, at least he would've died doing what he loved. 

Outside, the rain clouds darken and Light catches a glimpse of his reaper once more. Uncaring of the torrential downpour cascading upon it, the reaper stares through the windows at him and Light _hates_ it.

He never imagined this; he’s barely even started living. Light worked so hard for his dream future, and with each hour and all the sacrifices he made towards studying he always promised himself that he could enjoy life after graduating high school, after college, after he got his dream job, after he got married, after he had kids, after he saw them off to their first day of school, after he saw them graduate, after he retired, after, after, after…

Light looks back on his life and can’t find a time when he was happy and just enjoyed life.

Now, he only has at best, a handful of days left. 

***

Acting like everything is normal even extends to when Light gets home. 

Light greets his mother and sister with a tight smile and walks up the stairs as he thinks about what he should do with his final days.

He doesn’t feel comfortable until he’s in his room. Light leans against the door and feels a chill go up his spine as he feels like he’s being watched. But it feels good to have closed the door on his reaper. He can’t see it and he can pretend it can’t see him too. It had followed him all the way from school, walking languidly through the puddles and not making any ripples as he did. It looked like a teenager like him. But not like anybody Light would see at school. It looked like a sloppy young man with ghoulishly dark eyes and a snowball for a face. He disturbed Light. 

Light doesn’t want to, but he needs to confirm if it’s outside. Light pries himself off his door and edges towards his window. 

His reaper is a solitary figure on the sidewalk and he stares at Light through his window. Somehow, it's still a surprise to see him there and Light gasps and sinks to his floor. 

_So, it’s true._

Seeing it from his room somehow makes the situation much more real. The panic attack that had been threatening him all day consumes him, and Light cries in his dark room alone. 

***

**Day 2**

Light doesn’t go to school; given his previous history, it’s a very radical decision for him. He’s never missed a day from school. The only times he’s stayed home has been because he was bed ridden and could not get up without throwing up. But, even then he was insisting that he was fine and could make it to school to at least pick up his assignments. 

Light also informs his family of his impending death. They do not take it well. 

They are just finishing breakfast and Light pauses to study them all before he drops his news. Sayu doggedly picks at her last bits of white rice; a little content smile on her face as she collects the last of the sticky grain. Sachiko watches the morning news and sips her tea contentedly while Soichiro hides behind his black and white newspaper. Light wondered how long it will take for them to return to this easy comfort after he’s gone.

In some ways, he’s always felt like a stranger to them. Sealing himself away in his room to focus on his studies had estranged him from his family more than he thought. He could’ve been watching T.V. with them and laughing along to some insipid variety show if he were more normal. But he reasons that he liked being not-normal because he always thought that his extraordinariness was meant for something. That his intellect was a sign that he was born to do great things but apparently that was all a delusion he had made up.

Soichiro’s newspaper rustles as he turns to a new page and Light returns to his original thoughts. He takes a moment to seal this moment in his memory, wipes his mouth and tells them: “I saw my reaper yesterday.”

Everything comes to a stand still; like the final moments before a vase, suspended in the air, strikes the ground.

He’s not sure why he says it, but he adds, “I’m sorry.”

That seems to be what makes everything shatter. 

Sayu bursts into tears and cries, “Light!” as she awkwardly clings onto him in his sitting position. She weighs heavy on him, as if the strength of her hug could keep him away from the reaper.

Sachiko and Soichiro stare at them in stunned silence, all of the color gone out of their faces and leaving them pale as paper. Light has trouble meeting their eyes and gently turns into Sayu’s hug, the realness of the moment returning to him all over again. He feels another weight around him as his mother Hughs hum as well and hears his mother whisper in a keening wet voice, “My boy, my boy, my son, my Light, my son, my baby…” again, and again, and again. Light feels his face turn wet with his own tears and he chews on his lip so he doesn’t start sobbing because he doesn’t want to weep in front of his father who stares at them with a dumbstruck expression. He stays like that, between his mother and sister for a long time. Sayu misses school and Soichiro goes to work. Although Light knows that the man needs space to understand what Light has just told them---Light resents him for leaving them, for leaving him. 

He and Sayu stay close the whole day. They haven’t cuddled since they were toddlers and yet he finds himself tucked under a pile of blankets with Sayu nestled by his side as they watch TV and pretend everything is ok. She tells him about the latest gossip from school, what her friends’ dating life is like, which teachers she likes and dislikes, what she read in the most recent teen magazine, what her favorite pop artist Misa Misa is up to. Light listens, grateful for the distraction she offers him so kindly and easily. 

Sachiko lets them waste the day away doing nothing. She offers him his favorite foods and serves him his favorite teas. Each time she does so she runs a hand through his hair or touches his face and shoulder. He accepts each of her kisses and doesn’t tell her that he’s too old for them. 

Light wonders what his father is doing. He pictures him doing paperwork and shuffling through them unseeingly, mixing up all those files and getting paper cuts on all of his fingers. His coffee is lukewarm and his office is cold. 

Light tries not to look out the window all day because when he does he swears the reaper has gotten closer. The reaper's bare feet touch the grass of the Yagami’s lawn; no longer on the pavement. It sends a primal fear through Light and Sayu asks him what he sees. He tells her he sees his reaper. She asks him what it looks like. He says he’ll tell her later. 

***

**Day 3**

Light wakes up and he’s _furious._

The unfairness of it all had been building up inside him since the day he saw the reaper, and it burned fiercely through him until he saw red. 

How can he die so soon? He’s only seventeen. It was his last year of high school; he was supposed to find out whether he got accepted to To-oh soon. 

There were so many things left for him to do. He thought he had all the time in the world and then it turned out he only had seventeen years. 

Light gets changed and rushes out of the house to the objections of his family. The reaper stands on the lawn, and it’s not looking at Light’s window anymore; it’s looking at Light.

Light stalks towards it, fury in each of his steps, but the thing disappears when he gets too close. Light turns around and finds it about 10 feet away from him. He yells, “Get over here!” He rushes at it but the thing vanishes again and reappears behind him with its same neutral expression. It almost looks _bored_ and the fact that it clearly doesn’t give a fuck is what boils Light’s blood to volcanic porportions. Furiously, he shouts, “Mother fucker!” He hears some gasps of surprise but he’s too enraged to care if his family is currently watching him run back and forth on their yawn yelling expletives at something they can’t see. 

Light huffs and wipes the sweat that lightly beads on his forehead exactly the way it used to after a game of tennis. He glares at the spot where the reaper once was and turns his ire on the thing that stands some measures away from him, hands in its baggy jeans and with that same bored expression but with an edge of annoyance to its infuriatingly dark eyes. 

Light tears his eyes away from their heated staring match and finds that his family was indeed watching him that whole time. They all look desperately sad but Soichiro’s eyebrows are furrowed in disappointment. Light scowls at him and then turns on his heel and walks hotly away. 

***

Light spends the day roaming. He takes a bus to Tokyo and tries to pretend he’s a tourist or that he regularly comes to the city enough to know the ins and outs of its busy streets. 

He buys takoyaki from a street vendor; it reminds him of when he was younger and his mother would take him and Sayu for a day out in the city. He takes a bite of its warm dough and regrets not asking his sister to come with him. 

Light spots his reaper periodically in the reflections of windows he passes by. That mop of spiky black hair is easy to spot. 

A car nearly hit him when Light was about to cross a street. He stops in a cafe and waits for his heart to calm down. 

***

He’s in a hall of mirrors and it’s merely by chance that Light found this place.

There’s hardly anyone in there with him because it's a weekday and the lively electronic music clashes messily with the whirling fan of colorful lights. Light sees fifteen reflections of himself turn from blue, to red, to purple, pink, and yellow, and back again. His starchy white shirt picks all those colors up brightly and makes it look like he’s soaking in neon lasers. Light doesn’t linger on his reflection for too long, however. 

He’s looking straight at the reaper and its many reflections. It looks right back at him with a small measure of curiosity. 

Light crosses his arms, “I want to talk to you.”

The reaper stays silent. 

“There’s been a mistake. I shouldn’t be dying.”

Nothing.

“I’m only seventeen.”

“My family needs me.” That’s not necessarily true, but if he wants to gain any sympathy--if there’s any to be had---then he has to exaggerate. 

Light’s voice rises, “Did you hear me? I shouldn’t be dying.” The reaper keeps up that maddening blank stare. 

“Goddamit!” Light hits the mirror where the reaper is and the glass barely cracks. Light hits it again, more forcefully and he hears a crack and there’s a shattered indentation where his fist was. His blood shows up on it darkly and he watches his cuts ooze blood down his knuckles and onto his wrist. Some of his blood even seems to have splattered on his chest like bullet holes. 

He pays reparations for the damages and gets banned from the establishment. 

***

Light goes home, sneaks to his room and wraps up his cuts in the bathroom by himself. 

****

**Day 4**

Light goes to a park. 

It’s a sunny day but the warmth of the sun feels distant. Everything seems to move slower, as if the whole world were suspended in water. Friends throw a frisbee that sails too slowly through the air, the leaves barely rustle, and the ducks in the pond crawl through the water at a snail’s pace. The day would be beautiful were it not for the fact Light is going to die. 

Light sits on the park bench for a while and then impulsively turns around to seek out his reaper. He finds him standing around 8 feet feet away from him. Much closer than before, and his presence makes him cringe internally. Light holds his gaze, however, challenging him with his eyes to see who will drop the staring contest first. As expected, the reaper doesn’t move. Light turns back around with a sigh and then says, “I know it's pointless to try and talk my way out of dying. And since you won’t respond, I think it’s well above my right to at least talk _at_ you and hope that you’ll listen.” 

“Where to start…” Light leans fully against the bench and rests his elbows on top of it. 

“It’s safe to assume you know my name, but I’ll tell you anyway. I’m Yagami Raito, and Raito means Light, not moon. I already told you I’m seventeen years old, but it bears repeating. I’ve always been top of my class, and I was going to carry on that success to university…” All of Light’s plans flow out of him. He feels eyes on the back of his neck, but it’s exactly like he’s spilling his whole life story to the air. He had had a dream ever since he was young that he would join his father and work side-by-side with him in the NPA. That he would be a world-class detective and bring justice to a world that too often sees injustices.

If that didn’t work out he had another private dream, one that he cherished far more deeply than the NPA one. Sometimes when he would tutor Sayu, he would find that he actually enjoyed guiding her through her various math solutions or chemistry formulas. He liked the bright look in her eyes when she finally understood a concept---and it was all because of him. Success sometimes came so easily to him, and he liked to help others like his sister succeed as well. He tells all this to his reaper, even mentioning things that he hadn’t even shared with anyone else like the fact that he had never had a relationship that he felt emotionally involved with and the fact that he doubted that all his academic achievements had any worth at all.

Light’s throat grows hoarse from speaking so much as he admits, “I’m not even sure if anything I’ve ever done has actually made me happy,” He turns to the reaper with a rueful smile, “How shitty is that?” and he freezes when he sees that he’s much closer than before. 

The reaper does its first vaguely human action and brings a thumb to his lips, as if he’s nervous or thinking. 

“Will you self-destruct if you talk to me?” Light scowls, “What is it with you reapers and being silent? Why be here at all if all you’re ever going to do is creepily stare at me?” Light gets up and clenches his fist at him, “I hate you!” 

The reaper just blinks at him but frowns ever so slightly---it could’ve just been Light’s imagination, though. 

All the anger in him is directed at this reaper, and something about it all feels very familiar. Part of the wrongness comes from a frustrating feeling that he feels like he _knows_ this reaper. It’s presence somehow feels natural, and it deeply bothers Light. He searches the reapers eyes, looking for an explanation to his mixed feelings and comes up with nothing. Light deflates, suddenly feeling all his anger rush out of him, “Whatever, I’m going home,” Sarcastically he adds, "Don't bother following me," even if he knows that's impossible.

***

Light is going to sleep after a truly awkward dinner where no one knew how to act and overcompensated in a bid for normalcy. He couldn’t blame them, they were eating with a dead man, after all. 

Light toed his socks off before getting in bed and crawling under his covers. There is nowhere else in the world that feels safer than his room. It feels like nothing can happen to him here. It’s ironic that he should feel this way because his room has never actually felt like it was ever actually _his._ Light sadly stares at the brevity of his room that hardly reflects anything about him at all. It hardly looks like a teenage boy has lived in it. Instead it looks like one of those room displays in IKEA---all tidy and neat and anonymous. But if Light hasn’t felt like he belonged anywhere, the place where he sleeps every night naturally fits the bill for the safest feeling place in the world. 

The rest of the house is silent. Light lays awake and stares at his ceiling as he waits for sleep to tug him into unconsciousness. Light freezes when he sees movement from the corner of his eye. 

Light shouts and then slaps a hand over his mouth to muffle it when he sees his reaper standing in the corner of his room. In the darkness of his room he looks like something out of a horror movie. Gaunt and angular, his reaper crouches in the corner of his room all pale skin and wide eyes that are trained on Light. He has a thumb to his mouth, and to Light’s mounting horror, slowly stands up. But, he doesn’t approach Light’s bed. Instead, he opens his mouth as if to say something.

The reaper's breath comes out as a reedy whistle that makes Light’s hairs stand on end. Light clutches his blankets to his chest and finds something in him that dearly wants to call for his parents like he did when he was a child, but he just stares at his reaper in morbid fascination. waiting for some sort of explanation as to what he’s doing. 

He opens his mouth again and makes an odd squeaking noise and then furrows his brows and croaks something that sounds almost like a word. 

Light shoots into a sitting position, “Are you trying to say something?!”

His reaper jerks his head in a small nod, and Light doesn’t know whether he’s thrilled or horrified. 

His reaper hoarsely says something but Light can barely hear him over the roaring of blood in his ears. “What did you say?”

Slightly louder, his reaper says in a deep whispery voice, “I’m sorry.” 

Light chokes and incredulously looks at the Reaper. He can’t believe it actually responded, he thought it was never going to say a word at all, “You’re sorry, are you? Does that mean you’ll leave me alone?”

“No.”

Light crosses his arms, “Why not?”

His reaper quietly says, “I can’t,” he almost sounds bad.

“You can’t tell me anything? Not even anything about how I’m going to die?”

“That’s right.”

Light stews in his thoughts and curiously eyes his reaper up. He looks like a young man, maybe a little bit older than Light himself. He wonders who he was before he became a reaper. He asks, “What’s your name?”

His reaper frowns and says, “I can’t tell you that.” 

Something like annoyance piques in the back of Light’s mind. He snaps, “What can I call you, then?”

“Reaper.”

“Creative,” Light deadpans. 

The reaper shrugs. 

“Well, since you can’t tell me anything useful,” Light declares, “I’m going to sleep,” he slips back under his covers and peeks at the reaper who remains in the corner of his room. 

“Ok.”

“Good night.”

The reaper has an almost fond look in his eyes as he says, “Good night, Light-kun.”

Normally, Light has dreamless nights. But, that night, he dreams that his reaper had a long chain hanging from his wrist, and every time he moved, the chain tugged Light along with him. 

***

  
  


**Day 5**

It’s saturday. He spends it with his sister and his mom. Soichiro is there as well but he hardly speaks or interacts with them at all. It makes Light uncomfortable because his father just stares at them with heartbreak written all over his face. 

*** 

In the evening, Light was finishing up going through his things and organizing them into boxes that his family could sell or store away. He would rather they didn’t keep anything, but he can’t underestimate the strength of his parent’s and sister’s sentimentality. 

He had placed the last of his innocuous things away in a box when he saw his chess board. Light pulled it out from his closet and had been admiring it when his surprised him by asking if he wanted to play. 

So, that’s how he found himself playing chess with his reaper. 

Light ran a hand through his hair as he eyed the chess board. His reaper is actually a good opponent to play against. Light had been dubious at first as to the reaper's abilities, but then as soon as the game started something to visibly click in between them and Light privately delighted in the way that the reaper launched their game to a higher level of difficulty and complexity with his obvious impressive chess playing abilities---not that Light was complaining because it was hard to try and find a worthy opponent in chess in school. 

As they played, it seemed like more and more of the reaper’s personality was shedding through and Light became distracted by trying to catch glimpses of the real reaper behind whatever was masking all of that away. He finds that he can talk to the reaper about things unrelated to it’s “profession” and Light’s death. They talk about politics, philosophy, and literature. The extent of the reaper’s knowledge truly is impressive and Light asks him, “How do you know so much? When you die do you just gain knowledge about everything?” He asks the reaper this because: one, he would like to know if should become reapers in the afterlife. And two, because he he always wondered about the latter question.

The reaper smiles as if Light said something funny, “You weren’t the only genius on this planet, Light.”

“Oh?" So, souls _do_ become reapers after death. Interesting. "So does that mean that when you were alive you were a genius? What did you do then?”

The reaper’s smile falls and he returns his attention to the chess board, almost pointedly, “I can’t tell you.” He's avoiding him. 

Light tisks and makes a move he had been planning on doing for the last three rounds, “It’s unbelievable how annoying that is, L.” Light freezes and he notices the reaper freeze minutely as well. 

“L?” Light repeats and his heart starts beating fast. The letter feels weird in his mouth, like he has a big marble on his tongue. Light says it a couple more times to himself and murmurs, “That’s strange---”

“It is very strange of you to suddenly say a letter from the English language.”

Light huffs, “Shut up.” And gladly returns to the distraction of the game. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t notice the worried glances the reaper keeps flicking at him. 

***

Light sleeps and he dreams that he’s feverishly writing in a notebook. He can’t tell what he’s writing but he creates thick columns of words that fill the pages of his notebook in chunks of darkness. 

***

**Day 6**

Light is used to people staring at him, but nothing like this. 

He’s walking through the city, he doesn’t remember when or how he got there, but Tokyo is bustling with activity and eyes follow him everywhere he goes.

The reaper walks closer to him, and instead of creeping Light out, his presence brings him comfort. Light subconsciously reaches for him as he walks and he whispers, “Why is everyone staring?”

“Perhaps it’s because Light is so handsome?”

Light hisses, “Don’t be ridiculous,” but his gut ridiculously flutters with butterflies anyway. The traitor. 

Light keeps pressing forward through the crowds with home on his mind. Someone shoves him and he turns to glare at him but then a name flashes in his head, _Kurou Otoharada_ and he’s not sure how he knew it or why it made his gut sink. Light stops dead center in the sidewalk and gets goosebumps, “I knew him, who was he?” He asks the reaper. 

The reaper grabs his arm and drags him through the crowd which suddenly feels thicker, “He was nobody,” Light notices he sounds angry, “Come on. Let’s go home.”

Light looks behind him and gasps when he sees that the people who have passed him by have their eyes trained on him still because their heads are swiveled around their neck in ways that should be impossible. 

“ _Come on,”_ the reaper pulls him forward and then Light finds himself sitting at home next to Sayu. 

He looks around and finds his reaper standing some feet away looking exhausted. 

“What was that back there?” Light demands. The reaper gnaws on his thumbnail and stares down at his bare feet in a way that can only be described as worried. 

He hears Sayu searchingly ask, “Light, what—-?” 

Light gets up and stalks towards the reaper, “What’s going on? Nothing feels right…” When the reaper doesn’t look at him, Light paces in a circle and ignores his sisters pleadings to explain what’s wrong. “I knew that man back there...And L…What is L? Is—“ the front door suddenly opens and Light’s surprised to see his father stalking through the door.

Sayu brightly says, “Dad!” And Light says, “Dad, what are you doing here? I thought you were at work?”

“I asked for the evening off,” Soichiro shrugs off his jacket and says, “I wanted to talk to you, Light. Sayu, will you give us a minute?”

Sayu’s eyes widen, “Sure, dad,” and then she flutters away to her room.

Light suddenly feels awkward being alone with his dad and the reaper. He wonders where his mom is and then Soichiro collapses heavily onto the couch and asks Light to join him. 

Soichiro runs a tired hand through his hair and says, “I’m sorry I haven’t been around since you’ve told us the news, Light.” 

Light frowns. His father looks hundreds of years old in that moment. For some reason Light wishes for the time when his father was younger and less world-weary and roughened. Despite all of this, he still looks like the man Light would run to to leap into his bone-crushing hugs that made everything feel alright. 

In Light’s silence, Soichiro continues, “Today, I realized that it’s very likely we don’t have that much time left,” Already, Light felt tears brimming up in his eyes, “And I wanted to tell you that I’ve always been proud of you, and I love you.”

Light can’t bear to look at his father anymore and ducks his head. He squeezes his eyes shut and turns to look at the reaper instead. He hoarsely whispers, “This isn’t real.”

The reaper just looks at him silently in sad confirmation. 

Light turns back to Soichiro and his heart wrenches to see that he isn’t there anymore. The walls around him look duller and there are far more shadows in the house than before. Lights heart starts to race. On an impulse he calls, “Sayu!” Nothing. The stairwell leads up to silence. “Mother!” Nothing. Brokenly he calls, “Father?”

Lights voice cracks when he asks, “What is this?” To the one person who is still there. 

The reaper says, “The better question would be ‘what happened?’” And then he seems to kick himself for needlessly correcting him.

Light sees red and then snaps, “Fine, what happened? And none of that ‘I can’t tell you’ bullshit.”

Solemnly, the reaper says, “You’re dying, Light.”

“I’m...What?” 

The room starts to fall even further in shadow but Light hardly pays that any mind. The reaper carefully draws closer to him as if he were a startled animal, “You’re dying, Light, I have come to collect you. We were….Friends, when you were alive,” The reaper pauses, "I'm L."

 _L,_ the name comes with such painful clarity that it takes Light’s breath away. 

Light touches his forehead and cringes as a piercing headache starts to erupt, “I know you…”

“Yes, as I said, we were friends. I think it’s time for us to go now.”

Light tears his eyes open and looks at L, “Where?” Looking at the man sparks a hurricane in his gut. Images start popping in Light’s head like debris. He remembers something silver and long like a chain, it was wrapped around his wrist. It was around L’s wrist. They were chained together. He remembers a computer screen. He remembers a green tennis ball. He remembers rainfall and talks of bells. He remembers a black notebook, a demon’s face, and the sound of a spoon clattering to the floor. 

“I killed you,” Light trembles on the spot. L’s face falls into something unreadable. Light killed L---he remembers it now. But, _why_ …?

Without warning, a thunderbolt of pain strikes Light’s mind with a series of dead faces and dead names. Kira’s corruption and his hunger for power flare brilliantly in his mind like a terrible flame. Light looks down at his chest because it feels like a bunch of drills are tearing their way through it and he sees little beads of scarlet starting to bloom on his crisp white shirt. Light’s axis tilts and he falls to the floor. The drills in his chest intensify. 

“Shit,” Light hisses and finds he can’t move very well. L comes into his field of vision and crouches beside him, “I remember it all! Why are you here, L? What is happening right now?” Light blinks up at L for answers, and sharply inhales when L leans towards him so he’s much closer than before. It’s a painfully glorious thing to see L again. Remorse, guilt and shame war with the parts that are happy to see him again after what felt like centuries of being apart. 

L brings a searching hand to Light’s hair and brushes some of it away, “These are Light-kun’s final moments,” he takes slow blinks at Light but his fast words betray the urgency behind them, “I wanted to spend them with you before you were gone,” The familiar ceiling of his family’s home is starting to blur into something high and dark, “I am not actually here to actually collect you; I can’t do that,” Light’s stomach dropped to hear that. “You’re going someplace I can’t follow, at least, not yet.”

“I don’t understand you,” Light pushes past the lethargy in his bones and and clutches onto L’s shirt, “Why would you be here? I killed you.”

“That was Kira, and he is already in Oblivion,” Light lets go of L as if he were burnt. There are so many question spinning around his head; he feels dizzy. “I was spending time with the part of your soul that was not corrupted by him. That is, until now, when you just remembered everything.”

“So, everything wasn’t real,” Light thinks of his family and a pool of sorrow fills within him with regrets. 

“Unfortunately, yes.”

They were falling into abject darkness by then and it was getting harder to see the man in front of him. Nevertheless, Light could see the flash of sorrow in L’s eyes flicker very briefly, “Then what was the point of all this?”

“I was able to stall your descent into Oblivion for a little while. However, you regained your memories faster than I had hoped for, and now we don’t have that much time left until you go,” 

L lifted Light’s hand sadly and Light gasped to see that his entire forearm was turning translucent. 

“Fuck,” Light’s breaths were coming in faster, “I don’t want to die.”

“You’re already dying, Light.”

“I _know_ that,” Light gritted his teeth and willed his arms to stop disappearing but it wasn’t working, nothing was working; he couldn’t even feel his legs anymore. “I don’t want to _go._ ”

L started chewing on his thumbnail, “I’ll find you, Light. I think I already have ways of doing so.”

He blinks up at L, and Light is painfully reminded of his feelings for this man. The thought of being in Oblivion where he will be made of nothing and nothing will be made of him strikes him with pure existential terror. But, most of all, he fears losing all his memories of L for good. Of not remembering his brilliance and the way that he could make or destroy Light just be living. That is why he says, “L...I’m sorry." 

L doesn’t say anything, but he brings his knees to the floor and lifts Light’s head so it rests on his lap, “I know.” It wasn’t exactly a blessing of forgiveness but Light wasn’t looking for that anyway; he doesn’t think he deserves that quite yet---or, at all. 

By then Light couldn’t feel anything past his chest and it was growing harder to stay focused. 

Light wheezes, “I missed you, did you know that?”

L solemnly says, “I know…” He pauses, “I missed Light, too.”

“Did you know I loved you?” Light smirks weakly, L probably didn’t know that or expected him to admit it.

“Light-kun always has to have the upper hand, doesn’t he?” L was bending his head towards Light’s. 

“Well, did you?”

“Yes and no.”

“And Ryuzaki always has to be ambiguous, doesn’t he?” L’s alias slipped out naturally. Light would’ve felt embarrassed at how fondly it sounded but he was past the point of caring at that moment. 

“It’s part of the job,” L closes the distance and Light smiles into their kiss. It's a brief sweet thing. 

When they part and Light opens his eyes he sees darkness encroaching in his vision. He catches a glimpse of L's eyes and hears the words: "I'll find you," and then Light sinks under. 

***

Oblivion is blank.

Oblivion is nothingness.

Oblivion is darkness.

Light doesn't feel anything because he _can't---_ That is, until a hand filled with light clutches his arm and pulls him into the sun. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> My fellow yees and haws, thats a wrap! Thanks for reading! Not sure if I liked this one but eh. Please leave a comment if you liked! I always enjoy reading them. They're like drugs to me. 
> 
> Come find me on Tumblr @lightsredapple


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